I like philosophy brand products. I’ve received them as gifts and purchased them for myself and I’ve never been disappointed. So, when I was searching for a gift on Amazon.com, I was interested in the philosophy “baby grace” 3-in-1 shower gel, shampoo, bubble bath.

Now usually philosophy products come with interesting text on the front of the bottle. If the product smells like a baked good, the bottle might have a recipe on it. More often you get a bit of philosophy with your philosophy. For instance, purity facial cleanser has the following:

purity is natural. we come into this world with all the right instincts. we are innocent, and therefore perceive things as they should be, rather than how they are. our conscience is clear, our hands clean, and the world at large is truly beautiful. it is at this time we feel most blessed. to begin feeling young again, we must begin with the most basic step of all, the daily ritual of cleansing.

Isn’t that nice? A bit of encouragement with your skincare. I don’t really need it but it’s innocuous.

baby grace doesn’t come with philosophy, it comes with a lecture. It’s practically a sermon.

From the shower gel, shampoo, bubble bath:

have a baby if you are pro-choice. “having” a baby will be the most pro-choice thing you could ever do for yourself or another. have a baby if you are too old and your biological clock has already blown up. you, more than anyone, will be the most exceptional parent, and you more than anyone should know that it is never too late. have a baby even if you were treated miserably, unfairly, or in an unrespectable way as a child. this is your one chance to heal in the arms of another. have a baby if you are trying to save the world. save just one heart and you’ve done more than your job……

From the body lotion:

have a baby if you’ve ever wondered what your soul looks like. have a baby if you dare to feel the winds of heaven each time you feel their breath across your cheek. have a baby if you have it all and it’s still not enough. have a baby if you have found your purpose but your purpose hasn’t really found you. have a baby if you ever wondered what “mother nature” really means. have a baby if you need proof that God truly does exist

And an extended version from the amazon.com site:

philosophy®: have a baby if you are pro-choice. “having” a baby will be the most pro-choice thing you could ever do for yourself or another. have a baby if you are too old and your biological clock has already blown up. you, more than anyone, will be the most exceptional parent and you more than anyone should know that it is never too late. have a baby even if you were treated miserably, unfairly, or in an unrespectable way as a child. this is your one chance to heal in the arms of another. have a baby if you are trying to save the world. save just one heart and you’ve done more than your job. have a baby if you love animals. you will love babies even more. have a baby if you love little girls. china needs help in finding homes for its newborn female citizens. have a baby if you want to break the habit of watching t.v….babies insist you watch them. have a baby if you didn’t go to college. a child keeps you in a classroom you’ll never want to leave. have a baby in whatever context is right for you; natural birth, adoption, foster, big brother, big sister, aunt, uncle or god parent; this relationship is a contract with God and your every move will be watched. have a baby if you are afraid to have a baby. your biggest fear is your greatest need.

Are these people f***ing insane?

And who is this product line for? For children? Nope. It’s for “women who want to smell like a baby.” WTF

Damn. My own personal philosophy as a consumer is that, if companies think they can cause me to buy particular items based on marketing, they are also taking the risk that I will NOT buy a product based simply on the marketing. For example, I wouldn’t buy Herbal Essences products until they stopped running the annoying “it’s an organic experience” fake orgasm commercials.

I’m going to have to think a bit more about this “have a baby” lecture. Should I just not buy this one product? Is it enough to steer me away from philosophy products altogether? It might be. In this case it’s beyond a simply annoying marketing campaign. This goes to the core of the company. Somebody made a conscious decision to put this sermon on product bottles. They chose it for a reason which, on first reading, appears to be a decidedly Christian, pro-life message. When I buy a product, someone is profiting from my purchase and then using that profit. Usually, I don’t care what they do with it. Not really my business. However, the message here seems to be “this is what we stand for.” Does buying the product imply that I agree with the message? I don’t.