There was a massacre earlier this week in Calgary. The scene was so awful that veteran police officers could barely speak about it and some went directly to counseling. Three adults and two young children were found murdered. Only a 1-year-old girl survived. Police now suspect that it was actually a murder-suicide committed by the father in the house. The other adults were his wife and a woman who was renting the basement suite.
Joshua Lall’s family says that he told them he was having a nervous breakdown. Sources (?) report that he said he was possessed by the devil and that he was hearing voices. His parents made plans to visit him but they arrived too late.
I’ve told my husband in no uncertain terms that, if I say I’m hearing voices and that I’m having a nervous breakdown, he is to push me right out the front door and lock it behind me. Call for help but make sure I’m away from the girls first. And I’ll do the same to him.
I can’t get over how everone is saying how nice this man who murdered his kids and wife was. I don’t think that type of mental illness happens in a second and sfiffs out 5 lives. Steroids? possibly. There was also a documentary on CBC about exorcism and the catholic church the night before and people who they said were possessed by the devil….who knows??
By: hes on May 30, 2008
at 11:17 pm
I can attest that this man was a wonderful person. He was a devoted father and well liked employee. I’m not joking when I say that this is the last person you’d expect to ever do something like this.
This whole incident is quite a shock to all that knew him- his friends, family, coworkers, and the community organizations he helped with. The media isn’t being insensitive by emphasizing how well loved he was. They’re trying to show how random and bizarre this whole incident is.
By: she on May 31, 2008
at 9:17 am
When men go crazy and decide they want to kill themselves, they tend to want to take their loved ones with them. It is a pattern we see over and over again. Women do not tend to do this.
By: crazybengal on May 31, 2008
at 9:47 am
I can also attest to the character of Joshua Lall. Impecible. One cannot dispute the horrendous situation but with the exception of this final chapter, he was a genuinely caring, compassionate person. Steroids? no way.
Crazybengal: women DO do this … the name Susan Smith ring any bells?
By: Pen on May 31, 2008
at 12:43 pm
Pen – rare!
By: crazybengal on May 31, 2008
at 12:49 pm
also – she didn’t kill herself. Murder/suicides tend to be a male thing.
By: crazybengal on May 31, 2008
at 12:50 pm
http://www.canada.com/topics/news/national/story.html?id=956c6e94-5f0a-4a70-9dfc-c5751fb64044
By: crazybengal on May 31, 2008
at 12:53 pm
“Ninety-five percent of murder-suicides were committed by men.”
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/josh-sugarmann/nine-murder-suicides-a-we_b_95872.html
By: crazybengal on May 31, 2008
at 12:57 pm
I knew Joshua the stories of him good person are true. He assisted me in getting a job at the same firm as him in my early years of my career. We had similar backgrounds in medical then architecture. He had an enthusiam for the creation of spaces that were accessible to all that was unparalleled. He spoke of the desire to be a good steward of society. He however also spoke of exhaustion in his drive to succeed for his dream and for his family. He spoke of running out of vacation time due to caring for family needs. He spoke of taking a reduction in salary to move from one who deals with the existing barriers to society to one who removes barriers. In his quest to be someone who contributes to all, he must have broken his spirit, as the Joshua I knew and last spoke to sounded wounded when he spoke of needing to endure the years ahead to be both the man he wanted to be and the father he wished to be.
By: Aloss on June 1, 2008
at 7:45 pm
Perhaps without making any further judgement against this man we could spend a few minutes and pray for the souls of the vicitms and for little baby Anna whos innocents was taken away from her that night.
Nice people snap too. Call it right, wrong or indifferent. It happens. Its happened.
By: Tracy on June 2, 2008
at 3:34 pm
crazybengal, regardless what point you are trying to make you may want to consider qualifying your statements with sources a little more credible than Canwest based media sources. Canwest isn’t exactly considered to be the most accurate and impartial media source.
By: she on June 2, 2008
at 9:09 pm
“she” — What are you talking about? Exactly what part of the linked article was less than “credible”?
You know … my original post wasn’t about whether Joshua Lall used to be a nice guy or not. On that topic, I would argue that his final actions were so horrific that there’s really no need to hear about how fantastic he was before. However, I didn’t know him and it honestly doesn’t affect me one way or the other.
My point was that there were apparently warning signs that something was drastically different about him. He told his parents that he was having a nervous breakdown!
If I say that to somebody and I’m obviously not joking, they should have me committed and evaluated for my own safety and the safety of my children. If I tell someone that I’m hearing voices, have me committed.
By: Michele on June 2, 2008
at 9:58 pm
The point I was trying to make is that the MEN who commit murder-suicide tend to be normal nice guys. And all YOU need to do is do your OWN fact checking – the data is out there – I just picked a random source – 95% of people who commit murder-suicide are men – and that comment was in response to Pen’s Susan Smith comment.
By: crazybengal on June 2, 2008
at 11:08 pm
You guys missed the point. What I was trying to say was regardless how accurate the content in the article crazybengal posted people are not going to take him seriously when his only source is from a media outlet known to be inaccurate. As far as the point crazybengal is making, Joshua WASN’T a normal guy. He was pushing himself and stretching his limits to make the world a better place.
People aren’t saying he’s a nice guy to try to say he’s unaccountable for their actions. They’re trying to give perspective to others whose only knowledge of the situation are a few news articles yet who feel like they are equipped to fully assess the situation and pass judgment. The truth is none of us will know what happened. None of us know what was going on in his head. It’s so easy to say well it could have been prevented but until we know more about what exactly he was afflicted with we should follow Tracy’s advice.
By: she on June 3, 2008
at 6:26 am
You missed the point too. None of us are passing judgement. He killed himself and his family. His actions speak for themselves.
By: crazybengal on June 3, 2008
at 7:39 am
All of CanWest media is inaccurate? Really? And where do you get your news? CBC?
And Joshua Lall is unaccountable for his actions. He killed himself so he doesn’t have to be held to account. Although, that’s a better outcome than if he had gone through the Canadian court system.
Have you read our “about” page? Atheists don’t pray for anyone. And “he” is a mom.
By: Michele on June 3, 2008
at 8:39 am
I extract news from a variety of media sources and avoid ones with reputations of sensationalism and inaccuracy like canwest. I also try not to let “facts” or actions speak for themselves until I’m aware of all circumstances surrounding a situation. Anyway, it seems like we’re at cross purposes here and I’m not going to make any further comments as we seem to be going into a cycle.
I mourn the loss of an innocent woman and her children, as well as a tragic end to a brilliant man who devoted his livelihood to helping the physically handicapped.
By: she on June 3, 2008
at 9:25 am
Personally, as the friend of two women who are bi-polar, the fact that he wasn’t sleeping should have made him go get help, if he had had a history of mental illness.
Since it was probably the first time, he wouldn’t have known that this can set off a psychotic phase, and at it’s peak, you don’t necessarily recognize people as who they actually are, but they can look like someone or something else, and this can be really frightening, depending on who/what they represent at that moment. Like Andrea Yates,who believed that the only way to save her children was to kill them, he might have been in the delusion that he had to protect his family from some dangerous creatures, not realizing that they were in fact his family members and a woman he knew as his tenant.
Triggers for this type of thing are work and family stress, resulting in long-term lack of sleep,
and I truly believe that this can happen to anyone – although 99.9% would crash/black out and be taken to the hospital for psychiatric care.
I’m just happy that Alison’s family can see through and past all this and are honouring him by allowing him to be buried with his family. This attitude will be a big help to surviving baby Anna, as she grows up needing answers from people who won’t forget the man her father was before this happenend.
By: karen on June 3, 2008
at 11:01 am
I’m sorry Michele I disagree that Joshua is not held accountable for his actions. I believe the man he could have become, had he succeeded in what he wanted to be, would have done good things for Alberta architecture. For those of us ever experiencing trying to enter or move within a building with broken leg, a stroller, a cane, a wheelchair…you will know what I mean. Now instead of being known for achievements in accessibility he will be notorious for this dreadful incident.
By: Aloss on June 3, 2008
at 6:53 pm
He can’t be “held accountable” for anything…he’s dead.
By: crazybengal on June 3, 2008
at 7:28 pm
as bizarre as it is, fugacious rage, he probably had an affair with *bowerman(tenant) she came back from her business trip and she may have threaten his credibility and things got out of control
By: fuzz on June 3, 2008
at 11:13 pm
I was thinking the same thing. Michele knows my theory.
By: crazybengal on June 4, 2008
at 7:44 am
I’m sorry, Fuzz. I think by speculating that he was having an affair with the tenant is disrespectful to her and even if it were true, is it important now.
I am of the belief that the home of the Lall’s and obviously where the whole horiffic scene took place should be purchased from the estate, by the City of Calgary, and bulldozed. In its place should be a beautiful playground dedicated, in memory, to the beautiful young victims in this crime.
Now, if Mr Lall had NOT killed himself, he would have been arrested, given our judicial systems definition of a fair trial and spend forever in jail.
Do you really believe that he could have been helped??????Do you think once he is comvicted they would have tried to help him????
Come on now.
It saddens me greatly to read about all the judgements about him. He strived to excel. He was a humanitarian. He loved him family. He had mental issues.
Everyone has their boiling point. Mental illness is a disease not a choice.
Let his tortured soul rest along side his beautiful family.
By: Tracy on June 4, 2008
at 9:07 am
beautiful dead family. So, back to the original topic as posted by Michele. If I ever start telling people that I am having a mental breakdown and that I am possessed by the devil – my husband will lock me up in a psych ward before I can hurt anyone. And I will do the same for my husband if he goes coocoo. Protect the children.
By: crazybengal on June 4, 2008
at 10:04 am
I knew Joshua and his family personally and I still have not fully accepted what has happened. Like some earlier posters, I can vouch for Joshua’s character as an upstanding individual and dedicated parent, father, son and husband.
It is tragic and unbelievable that mental illness can strike someone so young to the point where they commit such an act.
My only hope is that we as individuals can learn from this incident and try to not let the past repeat itself by taking swift personal action at the first signs of depression and stress.
By: Family Friend on June 4, 2008
at 1:33 pm
Men are the majority of murder-suicides, true enough.
But women are the majority murderers of their children, according to this:
http://web.archive.org/web/20040206092557/http:/www.calib.com/nccanch/chma99.pdf
Mothers account for 31.5% of all child-slaughters. Fathers account for 10.7%.
So why do father’s kill themselves after killing their children? Maybe for the same reason less of them kill their children in the first place. The death of their children means more to fathers then it does to mothers: fathers who kill their children most likely will never be able to replace them.
It’s obvious from, for example, Karla Homolka, that even the most psychopathic women can become mothers easily and readily. A killer mother probably realizes her children are easy enough to replace–as opposed to a disturbed father who knows he will never have anymore–thus she does not feel like her (reproductive)life is over.
Men are conditioned to provide and protect for their families; women are conditioned to see themselves _as_ their families. When a man’s family is dead, he has failed in his purpose; a woman is the central member of her family–and can easily create another–so she remains less affected by the death of ‘extrenous members’.
Plus mothers recieve lighter penalties for murdering their children then fathers due to social stigma.
By: mercuryinretrograde on June 4, 2008
at 1:47 pm
Thank you “Family Friend.”
That is exactly my point. We should not assume that someone is incapable of doing horrible things. If behavior changes and the possibility of harm become apparent, we have to do something to PROTECT THE CHILDREN.
*****
Tracy: I don’t think that he was having an affair but really, who knows, but you are wrong that it doesn’t matter. It does matter because then the lesson to be learned is “don’t have an affair when you are living in that person’s family home.”
By: Michele on June 4, 2008
at 2:25 pm
I knew Joshua and his family and can vouch that he was a good man and a good friend to all. Alison was a warm and loving mother and her girls were angels. As it turns out, I am also closely connected to Amber, the basement tenant, who had left her husband and was in love with a close friend of mine. These circumstances refute any claim that Joshua and Amber were having an affair. It would be so much easier if these events could be explained so simply. But sadly, we will always wonder how a such good man could do something so awful. From where I sit, knowing people on all sides of this tragedy, I have to say that greatest tragedy for me is Joshua, for in the moment that he decided to spare Anna’s life, I have to assume that he had a moment of clarity and realized the magnitude of what he had already done. My prayers are with everyone involved.
By: Still Sad on June 4, 2008
at 2:26 pm
My prayers, too, are with all parties involved and for the family members left behind to try to deal with what occurred.
Again, perhaps we all need to do our part in protecting the chilkdren, whether they be ours, a friends or a neibours and move forward with our healing.
By: Tracy on June 5, 2008
at 9:55 am
What I see here is the great desire of some to sweep mental illness under the carpet. How many “nice” people kill their spouses and offspring? None. “Nice” does not add up to murder.
So often I have read in the press about gang members who get murdered. “He was such a nice boy,” the parents inevitably say. NO! Nice boys don’t commit violent crimes, do you understand? They stop being nice when they steal, assault and murder people.
He was a nice murderer. Does that make any sense? No. He was a mentally ill person, who killed his family. Killing your family does not make you nice.
Why is it so hard to admit that Joshua Lall was a very sick man? He had a facade of nice, and that fooled a lot of people. Are those people now trying to erase their guilt by claiming there was nothing wrong with him? A collective consciousness-easing is what I see. Be honest.
By: MJ on June 8, 2008
at 1:31 pm
No – of Course he was mentally ill. Normal people don’t kill their families.
By: crazybengal on June 8, 2008
at 1:38 pm
What I think this says, above all, is that no one wants to admit they were duped. In order to erase the collective guilt, they become apologists for the killer: they blame the victims, they cite his false image as proof of his perfection.
How could anyone have known this was possible, if they didn’t know it? Simple: they were deceived. And in continuing to deny the possibility of what happened, they perpetuate the myth of what was never true.
It was all a little too perfect. I have not yet met a person who has absolutely no flaws, no matter how small. Without imperfection, no one is human.
By: MJ on June 8, 2008
at 3:33 pm
MJ,
With all due respect, have you lost your mind?
In any of the previous posts, where exactly do you see anyone blaming the victims???
No one is blaming the victims in any way, shape or form.
What we are doing, it appears, is trying to make sense of something that does not make sense and has shattered so many peoples’sense of security in thinking that the last person in the world you should fear is the person who vows to love you and protect you forever.
Its a situation of shock and sadness.
While I did not know any of the Lalls personally, I think you are being very unfair in your statements.
No one was deceived. The man snapped. There are no excuses. He snapped and now his family is dead. That is fact. What also is fact, is that he reached out for help. Another fact is that the people he reached out to were on their way. Unfortunatley, too late. Should they take the burden for their sons actions? Is this what you feel?
Why is it that so much time and effort needs to be spent placing blame? We all know who did it and while we do not really know all the factors of “WHY”. It happened.
Once again, the focus should be how we can all do our part in perhaps paying more attention to the people in our lives. Mental illness is a disease, not a choice.
Pay attention for signs from the people in your world and Ill look for signs in the people in my life. Perhaps society can help bring mental illness from the “can’t talk about it, its a sign of weakness and embarrasment” to the “I can help, or at least try” and maybe this kind of tragedy will happen less and less.
By: Tracy on June 9, 2008
at 8:42 am
This hits an uncomfortable spot, doesn’t it? Things were going on leading up to the murders, but they were not revealed. The public face was a false one. Few outside the household knew. No, they were misled and deceived about Joshua Lall’s state.
Blaming the victim? I call the insinuations about Amber Bowerman blaming the victim.
By: MJ on June 9, 2008
at 1:42 pm
Not insinuations. It is a possibility that needed to be ruled out. But even if she were having an affair with the man, no one would blame her for anything that happened – it is all on the murderer.
By: crazybengal on June 9, 2008
at 2:25 pm
Here are a couple of articles that are relevant to this discussion:
http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,842586-1,00.html
http://www.slate.com/id/1003418/
By: MJ on June 9, 2008
at 4:24 pm
I still find it utterly disturbing that placing blame seems to be so important to so many people. Its not relevant at this point.
I know I was certainly not insinuation anything about Ms. Bowman.
The word duped,MJ< indicates that one deliberatly deceived someone. Now, mental illness, once again, is a disease.
If it had turned out he was an undiagnosed
schitzophrenic, etc, the accountability must still lie with him but makes it somewhat easier to understand.
Saying that, I still think the focus needs to be on moving forward and not casting blame.
By: Tracy on June 10, 2008
at 9:44 am
Blame does matter.
To prevent something, we have to know how and why it happened. Part of that is blame. You can call it by other names (accountability? understanding?) but it’s still “Who’s to blame?” that has to be answered.
Maybe the answer is nobody and it could not have been prevented. Maybe there is blame to be assigned and maybe something could be done in a similar situation to prevent a repeat outcome.
By: Michele on June 10, 2008
at 9:48 am
Hearing voices does not mean Joshua was suffering from schizophrenia, what it does indicate was that he was having a psychotic episode. There are many different forms of mental illness that manifest with audio/visual hallucinations and delusions. The first indication there was a problem was his not sleeping, lack of sleep can also cause a person to suffer from delusions. Were the voices he was hearing actual audio hallucinations or were they his own thoughts, that hasn’t been determined, and never will be now.
The criteria involved in invoking the mental health act and having a medical intervention take place to assess a person is very clear. The main issue that is the determining factor is whether the person is a danger to himself or to others, just because someone is having audio hallucinations or their thoughts are not based in reality does not mean they will be admitted under a Form 1 for a mandatory 72 hours for assessment. There is no such thing as having someone ‘committed’, it’s a nice thought, but that’s not how it works.
There was no way for those who were aware to have predicted the outcome of this sad situation.
My prayers are with their surviving family members and baby Anna, this is one of those situations they will have to accept that when they ask ‘why’ there is no answer. That’s a tough one to accept.
By: GMC on June 10, 2008
at 10:46 pm
It is human nature to want to assign blame when something happens. Perhaps blame in this situation needs to be laid on society in general. If society hadn’t put such a stigma on mental health, then people wouldn’t be so hesitant to seek help.
Mental illness is a medical condition, not unlike heart disease/diabetes etc., yet we ostracize those who suffer from mental illness. None of us can say in all honesty we haven’t viewed someone who is showing signs of behavior out of the norm and thought or even voiced a derogatory label for the person. We do it to mentally handicapped people too.
Our ignorance and understanding of mental illness has put the stigma in place. Perhaps it’s time society educated itself and instead of mocking or ridiculing the mentally ill, we made an effort to understand.
By: GMC on June 10, 2008
at 11:07 pm
I applaud this writer, they’ve hit the nail on the head when it comes to blame.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/ArticleNews/freeheadlines/LAC/20080605/PICARD05/health/Health
By: GMC on June 10, 2008
at 11:19 pm
Thank you GMC, for the link to that article!
It was well written, very honest and in my opinion, just what we all needed to hear.
Again, thank you
By: Tracy on June 11, 2008
at 3:32 pm
I’ve been reading the comments on this website since this tragedy occurred. I have a hard time sleeping at night because of what happened in Calgary. It goes beyond the norm of understanding. But eventually, when you put two and two together, it’s simple.
All I know is that there is this 1 year old little girl, Anna, who has been forgotten about in all your discussions and the realm of what she will have to deal with in her later years.
Everyone is so protective of the man that murdered his family, but what kind of life is Anna going to have?
That very selfish father of hers destroyed her and what little time she had with her sisters and Mother.
Why do people try to clarify what he did? Because he was sick. Of course he was. Did the devil make him do it? He thought so. Was he possessed? He thought so? And his wife didn’t know where to turn with this guy!
It was a selfish act on his part and he left this little baby having to deal with what he did for the rest of her life.
C’mon, people, call a duck a duck. if it looks like one and squaks like one, and sounds like one, it’s a duck.
Will all you people get over it and lay the blame where it lies. A selfish little man is what caused this.
And his little Anna wiil have to pay as well for the rest of her life.
Can’t all you people see it for what it is?
By: Kathleen Kelly on June 12, 2008
at 4:50 am
Good point. There had to be a time when he knew something was wrong and getting worse and he chose to hide that.
The Globe and Mail article above is worth reading.
By: Michele on June 12, 2008
at 7:16 am
Its a very well done story and its true, we could all stand to read it.
Kathleen is right. Very right. Anna. Poor sweet Anna. While I too worry about how her life will be and how this affects her as she grows. Again, back to the pint I was trying to make from the beginning. Time to start protecting the children and being more aware of the people in our lives.
By: Tracy on June 12, 2008
at 11:47 am
There is a difference between blame and guilt. People can feel guilt without being to blame for a problem. Internalized guilt is what I see happening.
There are warning signs of mental illness. Moving forward without enlightenment and understanding means that the lessons will not be learned. How have things changed since that 1966 article?
By: MJ on June 13, 2008
at 10:20 am
[...] think he’s wrong and I think that we have to look at “why” it happened in order to prevent it from happening again. Why do so many people seem to have the attitude “That was so out of character. [...]
By: Murder-Suicide — Can we know why? « Because No One Asked on June 13, 2008
at 1:55 pm
How many who have posted here have faced dealing with the onset of mental illness in a loved one? It is so easy to play arm chair psychiatrist, and say what you would or would not do. The fact is that you don’t know how you will react until you are faced with the situation.
I have been faced with the sudden onset of mental illness in a loved one….my youngest son. He developed psychosis over the span of two days…yes I said TWO days, and believe me when I say that it was overwhelming and frightening, because I didn’t understand what was happening to him. Add to the fact that he is also developmentally delayed/mentally handicapped.
To see someone rapid cycling through multiple moods, going from being verbally aggressive one minute, pacing and agitated, anxiety then paranoia that pictures are looking at them is surreal…it’s something you think you’ll only see in movies. The sad fact is they are so out of touch with reality, and nothing you say or do has any effect. And yes, my son was hearing voices as well. No my son is NOT schizophrenic, getting a proper diagnosis does not happen over night, there are so many factors that come into the equation, and so many mental illnesses that their symptoms cross the boundaries of each other that getting a diagnosis is a painstaking process and usually involves multiple episodes that require hospitalization.
People have the attitude ‘that was so out of character’ because IT WAS! When a person is having a psychotic episode they are not the person you know and love, their behavior and actions ARE out of character for them. Because they are out of touch with reality, the psychosis IS their reality.
Knowing why won’t change what has happened, there is no answer to the why question in this tragedy…
By: GMC on June 13, 2008
at 11:17 pm
yet again – another man who goes off the deep end and selfishly chose to take his loved ones with him…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1026627/Man-gases-children-Fathers-Day-tragedy.html
By: crazybengal on June 15, 2008
at 10:33 pm
http://www.jaapl.org/cgi/content/full/33/3/354
By: MJ on June 17, 2008
at 5:05 pm
It seems to me that nobody is listening to the facts. Somebody that is bent on destroying lives will do it, no matter, as well as their own.
The courts can not prosecute somebody that has died on account of all that has happened in Calgary and elsewhere.
That’s such an easy case for the law. Just blow it off as a man gone insane that erradicated his family except for one little girl. Anna. And so many others like her.
The police work is harder, after all, but, in the end, their work leads to the same conclusion, time after time. Their work is time-consuming but will still come up with the same scenario. A motive. What motivated this guy to do it. We may never find out in a lifetime.
How can a system lay blame when they have no idea of how to handle a case like this in the first place.
And it will happen again and again. Even tho, with all our questions and help.
There has been quoted a 1966 scenario of why things like this occur, but, still, in 2008, we read about and experience this dilemma in our society. All the expert analysts, the specialists in this field, (who get paid mightily for their input, I may add) the best, have still not figured this out, so how can we?
We can just express our grief and still ask the question “Why”. And we’ll be doing it for a long time to come. Even with all our know-how of how not to have these terrible events occur.
By: Kathleen on June 19, 2008
at 1:37 am
So that’s it? No effort to reduce the likelihood of this happening again? We shouldn’t even try?
I can’t accept that.
By: Michele on June 19, 2008
at 8:12 am
There was never a sense of danger or aggression, or even the hint of an argument in that house. I slept there many times, and had dinner there, and watched movies in the basement there with Amber.
She loved it there, and was excited that the Lall’s had decided to reduce the rent over the summer to keep her around. She was not having an affair with Joshua, and for some to suggest so makes me very angry. Amber and I were very much in love.
The relationship between the Lall’s and Amber was friendly, but not a friendship. She had drank wine with them a couple of times upstairs, or chatted with Allison and the girls on her laundry day.
The only sounds Amber spoke of, and the only sounds that I ever heard, were happy children playing, singing and sometimes crying. Amber had nothing but good things to say of the Lall’s. She saw no signs.
Whatever was happening upstairs, was not shared with her. She was a brilliant woman, and a quick read of people. I know she was not home the weekend before, and likely hadn’t seen Joshua for a few days or more. Perhaps Allison knew that things were getting out of control, but couldn’t accept just how bad they were.
The one thing I do understand is that for people to get together and speculate on things they don’t understand doesn’t help anyone absorb this tragedy. Though I don’t think anything really can.
By: D.A. on June 20, 2008
at 9:41 pm
Thank you, D.A. for sharing your experience and for putting a different perspectiveon this. I am sorry for your loss.
By: Tracy on June 23, 2008
at 10:19 am
Kathleen Kelly: From what I have seen of the Lall and Fisher families in the face of unthinkable tragedy and intense scrutiny, they have shown incredible grace and class. I believe that these people, her remaining family, will ensure she is well cared for. Hope that is of some comfort.
GMC: Thanks for your insight, you have summed things up quite eloquently.
D.A. I too am sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine how you must feel. Please be assured that the kind words for Joshua in no way diminish the magnitude of losing Amber. It appears that the Bowerman family and others in her circle of influence have also shown a wealth of grace which speaks volumes. She sounds like someone I would have liked to have known.
By: Pen on July 4, 2008
at 7:06 pm
In no way would I suggest that the kind words for Joshua take away from Amber. I met him. A friend of mine worked face to face with him daily. He was a kind man, and I echo what has been said about him. I mourn him, and his family, but I focus on Amber.
Amber’s family is beautiful, and so are her friends. That’s the nature of someone so remarkable. It gives me strength to talk to them, to see how they are dealing with such an awful situation. It also gives me a hope in humanity that the Lall’s and the Fisher’s have shown such strength and solidarity.
I wish you could have met her. Thank you for the post, and the kind words.
By: D.A. on July 6, 2008
at 2:36 am